the sidewalk was snowed in but not quite, here in the late winter the snow starts to melt and freeze over and over, mixing in with the dirt, carbon gas and shit on the road, slush it's called - brown snow, mixed with water - shoes fucking drenched with the stuff, loaded to the brim , they're black shoes but somehow they became blacker, almost cancelling out the white decoloration streaks from the sidewalk salt ( they put it there so the snow melts faster,) and - i was waiting there, on the corner next to the college "waiting" for the pedestrian light to turn white for the countdown to start
hand up - 0
VOITURE
getting impatient , that corner is getting awfully wet, those shoes incredibly dark, it's getting warmer, not enough to warrant a full stop but enough that the snow melts, fucking hell, there's no car in sight might as well go
One foot down on the asphalt, and then another, following the pale washed up white stripes on the ground , to the other side - no car and yet as I take one step and another, not looking - the music is at full volume ISOMETRICA by Vylet Pony, its so good actually , it was the moment, me, the asphalt, the red hand, the shirt I just got from the store in the bag - all one on the hardest vibe of the day and then from the left
a fist of steel
metal coffin
going at about 100 in a school zone
hell fucking yeah it is, what a cool guy
its getting closer - and then , it drops
YOU'RE SUCH A PUSSY LITTLE BITCH
PUSSY LITTLE BITCH
i take another step - i look back, the car right next to me, time stops- hovering right next to me, caressing me with the fine hand of the wind,
adrenal medulla in full motion - shooting from the abdomen into the heart a beating in the hundreds /
I almost died / and it was so fucking hot, I would do it again, I want to get nearly hit by a car.
SEXUAL ATTRACTION
Today is the day after, the event, I miss it so much. the feeling of nearing death, but not quite, thinking "oh god it's over" and then getting away with it, maybe I could get beat up, like one of those statues being torn down yeah, standing high and proud, immobile for years, decades, centuries, finally moving, the rope is set around the neck
hanging off the gallows for days, no one bothered to move me, the meat off my body picked off by the crows - staring at you, the automobile, in the eyes, she is looking back, "why did you not let me hit" - why did I not fuck the car before I died, why do I keep running away, why do I not let the car hit me, run me over at a pornographic speed - I've asked myself the question for many years
GO AWAY WHORE i dont care if you think my socks are nice - i dont want to fuck you I do not want the phallus to go in the vagina - or any hole for that matter. and just like I don't want to fuck you, I don't want the car to hit me, i wont "let her hit"
will she break up with me then ? - if I don't fuck, it's not personal really, you're really hot sir but, i think I wouldn't fuck anyone , I don't want to get hit by a car - I want to get nearly hit by a car. It just doesn't work that way
I'm sorry.
AESTHETIC ATTRACTION
I'm not .
I do want to get with you mr. car, I really do - in like . a romantic sense? I guess so - but its not sexual - nonononono, I'd rather dance, hold your hands, around the scene, its a bit to the west of the college, the street is a mix of grey snow and black asphalt, one two three four one two three four, and spin- i want to kiss you mr. car, I want to get in bed and caress you, your beautiful metallic chassis, tracing against my chess, I will hold you in my arms mr. car , maybe I'll even lead you on - but I don't want to fuck you, mr. car . and if that's not fine with you, you can drive away, run over me , I'll fucking die.
I just. don't want to fuck anyone, why is it so hard to get, I don't see that car and go "god I wish it hit me" , I just want to get nearly hit by you , mr. car, flirt with you, flirt with death.
walking man - 24
my shoes are still drenched in the saltine mess that is slush, I take a step, and then another, the college is just a few minutes away